sleep: my first love

You know that feeling you get when the DJ drops your favorite song at the club? Or when you come home at the end of the day and see your significant other/family waiting to embrace you? Or how about the way you feel when you see your waiter carrying your entree over to your table?

That is how I feel when I see my bed at the end of the day.

I L O V E to sleep. I love the feeling of slipping into my slightly chilled sheets…so untouched for far too long. I love my pillow- I bought this special ergonomic pillow off Amazon that cools your neck while you sleep. I love that deep sigh I take just as I lay down and know…it’s finally here. I can sleep now.

My love of sleep conquers all else in my life. It prevents me from showering in the morning, selecting a fashionable outfit or one that even makes sense, cooking  (or even eating) breakfast, applying make-up, doing my hair, and being on time.

 

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actual footage of me getting ready for work

But one thing that has particularly frustrated me about my love of sleep is its ability to thwart me from being a morning work-out person. I have dreamed of going to the gym before work. I have read that you burn more body-fat if you work-out first thing in the morning and eat breakfast after (don’t dispute this with me, i read it on Buzzfeed). I would just really feel like I had my shit together if I could workout before work. Maybe I would even shower in the morning then? Maybe.

I have friends that I pretty consistently text and ask how they do it- how do they do morning work-outs (holla at ya Yeimarie and Sarah! YOU TWO REALLY ARE SOUL-SISTERS). No advice has ever been able to pull me out from under my covers.

I will go hungry, be late, skip an event entirely, or cancel plans if it means I can get more sleep.

If I have ever cancelled plans with you, it probably was because I wanted to sleep. Sorry I’m not sorry.

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me in my natural habitat

I am not one for New Years Resolutions..never have been really. I would rather just have ongoing goals.

And Lord knows I am not about to commit to a year of morning workouts. I am a realist.

BUT. I have decided to do this for one month, beginning next week.

And I am writing this long, well-thought out blog post to hold myself accountable. Because I have tried this many times before and found friendship in the snooze button.

I will probably regret writing this. In fact, I think I already do.

But maybe this will actually help me try out something I have wanted to do since I could sleep.

Good luck, future me. You will need it.

 

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finding my voice

You know the concept of being a yes-man or yes-woman? Well, for some of us the opposite is needed. I have no problem saying yes.

The problem for me lies in saying no.

I think I struggle with saying no for a shit-ton of reasons. I think women are socialized to be submissive and people-pleasing. I have a hard time determining how much of who I am is because of how I have been socialized to be vs who I am by nature. I don’t think there is any way to tell for sure.

But I have always admired strong, assertive women.

728px-Be-Assertive-Step-19The ability to say no or even to simply disagree has not come easy to me. And I think I will constantly need to work on this in my life.

But at some point, I got sick of being walked all over. It feels really shitty. And is exhausting.

Saying yes to everyone all the time is not good for anyone.

It has led to me being walked over, conned and taken advantage of many, many times.

For someone that personally struggles with anxiety, saying no was a real issue for me.

Sometimes I would want to say no to someone so badly it would make me sick, but I would still say yes.

Friends of mine growing up would often criticize me and say, “why don’t you just say no for god’s sake?” Because it physically was not that easy for me.

It has taken time, strength and help from others to be able to say no, to dissent with others, and to deal with conflict. It still doesn’t come naturally to me. I still feel shitty sometimes when I say no. But most of the time it feels really good. And I’m proud.

If you’re out there and you’re struggling to speak up, to say no, or to stand up for yourself, DON’T GIVE UP.

Your voice is worthy.

You don’t deserve to be walked all over.

Even if someone you love very much is asking something of you that you do not want to give or cannot give, say no. If someone cannot respect this, they have boundary issues of their own they need to address.

It is not selfish to say no. 

You are not a bad person if you say no. 

And maybe eventually, you’ll even be able to say, “no, fuck off.”

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Peace and love (and assertiveness), jessica

 

so many kudos to development workers

In the past few months, I have been working to raise money for a few different causes. And I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but shit—it is really hard.

I would like to take this moment to give a virtual hug and high-five to anyone out there that works in development. It is no easy task. And yet it is so very important.

After having worked in a non-profit setting for years now, I know that most of everything comes down to funding. Funding. Funding. Funding.

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I have been working on completing a Go Fund Me campaign for my non-profit to raise money to allow us to expand a popular and important program we do called Community Meals. We have raised over $2,000 of our $3, 000 goal. That is amazing. But has taken time and lots of work.

I also have been personally trying to raise what I initially thought was a small goal of $750 for Syrian refugees through Mercy Corps, a non-profit that is doing on-the-ground humanitarian assistance for refugees. I have reached out to my own community (to much response-thank you!), other local organizations, and online communities I am a part of. So far, $370 have been raised of the $750 goal.

Any words of advice out there from fellow fund-raisers/development workers? I can use all the advice you got.

Also, if you are interested (shameless plug) on learning more about my efforts, they are listed below:

Go Fund Me: http://www.gofundme.com/aaecir

Mercy Corps for Syrian refugees: 

https://www.mercycorps.org/people/jessicagreenfield14/syria

Peace and love, Jessica

why we can’t be friends if you support Donald Trump

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photo is not mine; i viewed it on an instagram i follow, @muslims_against_terrorism_

I am capable of having open-minded discussions. I am capable of having friendships with people that I disagree completely with politically.

I am not capable of being friends with someone who supports and perpetuates the hate that Trump is so freely disseminating.

let’s make it easy and stick to bullet points:

  • Donald trump is racist and xenophobic. There are countless examples that can be provided to support this statement, but let’s go with words spoken at last night’s GOP debate. Trump wants a ban on all Muslims entering the US. He wants to ban an entire group of people from coming in [to the land of the free] because of their religious identity. Here are some questions to help you chew on why this is so fucked up:

 

  • Trump mocks folks with disabilities. But it’s all fun and games, right? He was just kiddddding when he made fun of Serge Kovaleski’s muscular disorder? OH! Or wait, he was just being expressive…nothing to do with disabilities, right?

 

 

  • He opposes same-sex marriage.

 

To be completely honest, I don’t think Trump will get the nomination. But that doesn’t mean that I am ok with the white supremacy, racism, xenophobia, and fear-mongering he is promoting. He is a reminder to me of so many things that are wrong with today’s world.

Peace and love, friends.

Jessica